What do you think?

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What do you think?

Post by Seshtah on Mon Jan 14, 2008 8:16 am

Ok, I haven't been working on any of these stories recently and I'm wondering if they're good enough to keep or to just trash them. None of them are finished and you'll be able to tell its a different story when it changes color

Wouldn’t it be weird if everyone alive and the world as we know it was merely a shadow? An illusion thought up by a single person to interact with in a sick game? Well, what if I told you that it was true? The world really is like that? Would you laugh, or tell me I was crazy? I’m not sure which reaction is worse because it really is true. My name is Rhavaniel Tamm and this is my story.

I lived a pretty normal life I guess. I was a junior in high school with my own car (a white jeep that I loved to death), not all that popular but I wasn’t a complete loner either. I played a lot of sports, soccer and softball mostly and had a decent amount of friends. I didn’t have a boyfriend but that was because I didn’t want one.

I guess that day started off pretty normal… well, as normal as the second to last day of school can be anyways. It was halfway through fourth that I noticed something weird was going on. A couple of the kids were starting to look a little fuzzy in the corners of my eyes. Especially Angelica, a girl I hated with most of the fibers in my being. Think of Barbie with brown hair, braces and was completely obsessed with Usher…like beyond stalkerdom. Eww…

Anyways, I thought it was because I was tired or my glasses were just dirty, because when I looked at them, they were normal. So I cleaned my lenses and survived my English class. The teacher liked me and I ended up getting chocolate (WOOT!) and extra credit for not leaving about halfway through class.

I wasn’t the only one who stayed either but that might have been because I wasn’t paying attention. The ones that stayed were so bored, two of my friends in that class pulled out some Pokemon cards and started playing…I was bored enough to watch and flipped a coin when needed for them.

Everything was fine after I left once the bell rang for lunch and I forgot about it…until my seventh, which happened to be P.E. One of my best friends, Alec, (whom I’ve known since 7th grade and have developed a major crush on) was playing basketball with a few other guys from his class. I chose not to ditch like most of the other kids were doing and sat on the bleachers watching the game.

Eventually Alec wandered over and sat down next to me, breathing hard from the game and his black hair all messed up from running… but then it was always like that. We talked about some random stuff until Alec asked me suddenly, “You know what would be weird?”

“If you stopped acting like an idiot penguin?”

“Well, apart from that.”

“What?”


“Wouldn’t it be weird if everyone alive and the world as we know it was merely a shadow? An illusion thought up by a single person to interact with, how would you tell who was an illusion and who was the real person?”

I must confess, I thought he was being his normal self and asking a random question not—

but I’m getting ahead of myself. Sorry about that.

I laughed and told him he was crazy. Alec just shrugged then I noticed the fuzziness set in for a moment and I swear, the entire room seemed to fuzz out, like a TV does sometimes.

I blinked and the world was normal again. That was weird… I thought, cleaning my glasses again.

-

Nothing else happened so I shook it off as tiredness (I’d stayed up ‘til one last night on the Internet, messing around and had woken up at six thirty) After the final bell had rung, Alec and I waited for Lynn, the third member of our odd little trio.

She was taller than both Alec and myself by at least an inch if not two. Her long blonde hair was usually kept in a low ponytail, hanging down her back. Hazel eyes flashed with annoyance as she caught up to us. I frowned and asked,

“Hey, you ok?”

She scowled, “I really want to kill him.”

“Who?”

“Daniel.”

“What did he do this time?” I asked.

Daniel had a crush gone wrong on Lynn. The trouble had started in middle school when he’d asked her out but Lynn, who hadn’t been interested, had turned him down. He’d turned practically into a stalker after that, going so far as to follow her home sometimes and spreading rumors about their “relationship”


Naturally Alec and I had sided with Lynn and none of us liked Daniel.

“He walked up with some of his buddies and do you know what he said?”

Her scowl deepened, “Thanks for last night.”

“No.” I said, horrified.

“Yes.”

“You hit him right?” I insisted and a small look of satisfaction light up in her eyes,

“No, but I kicked him where his balls should be. I don’t give a damn if I get in trouble or not. Finals are over and I’m not going to summer school so if I get suspended…” she shrugged

“Vacation starts early as far as I’m concerned.”

Alec grinned, “I wish I’d been there, I would have kicked his ass for you. That’s just low right there though. Telling a girl that...” he shook his head. “On the behalf of the male gender, I apologize.” He said strait faced.

Both Lynn and I laughed. We were passing the red and black colored softball backstop with the school’s mascot painted on it, a rearing black dragon with red flames encircling it.

I always liked this particular field, maybe it was because I hit that in field grand slam back in sophomore year. I grinned thinking about it. It was then I noticed with disgust that some idiot had tagged on the dragon’s flame. It read: ‘The One is here’ in bright blue ink, showing up clearly against the red.

What was THAT was supposed to mean?

“Sometimes I’m ashamed to call myself human” I said sadly, shaking my head and indicating with a nod of my head at the graffiti.

“Honestly, that sickens me.”

“Wait, you actually claim to be human Rae?” Alec asked me, a mock expression of supprise on his face.

I would have punched him had he been in range as he ducked and ran a few steps ahead. I didn’t bother to chase him. Alec was a track AND cross-country star. Yeah, I played soccer and softball so it wasn’t like I didn’t know how to run, but both his sports focused only on running… and I had the habit of loading my backpack with several different and “useless items” that slowed me down.

By that I mean books. If I have less than three different non-required books in my backpack, my friends ask me if I’m sick or something. It has been speculated I carry bricks and 3 by 4’s in my backpack (I’m serious on that one too)

-

“The One is here?” Lynn read, turning her head so she could continue to stare at it.

“Some people are so dumb, what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Personally? I think someone’s been playing to many video games or something.” Alec said, drifting closer and within my reach.

That’s when I socked him in the arm, not too hard but enough to know I wasn’t happy about his remark. His only response was an impish grin before he turned his attention on the backstop’s writing as well.

As the sky was getting darker with the scent of rain heavy in the air, we walked away, still talking about it and it was only when Lynn narrowly avoided walking into a telephone pole did we drop the subject.

We soon forgot about it while teasing Lynn unmercifully and rejoicing that school was nearly over. It was Lynn who (understandably) changed the subject from her near collision by asking, “So, what do you have planned for your birthday Rae?”

I smiled mysteriously and waved a hand, “Oh, you know.” I said vaguely, “Not much”

This of course triggered several questions which I had planned and it was only when we’d gotten all the way to the parking lot did I agree to spill.

“I’ve narrowed it down to either Laser Tag or.” I paused partially to annoy them and partially because I could. “An all night Laser Tag.”

Lynn snorted and Alec laughed, “Still hate it don’t you?” Alec teased and I nodded gravely. “Yup,

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Re: What do you think?

Post by Seshtah on Mon Jan 14, 2008 8:17 am

An explosion of sound hit the silent air, startling the small dark haired girl lying on the bed. She ran to the window after picking herself up from the floor where she'd fallen.

She'd hoped it was thunder for it had been cloudy all day but there was no rain. The sound was repeated and her heart sank as she realized what it was. Her father had told her what she had to do if it came to this. She dove under the bed as she heard approaching footsteps.

She hardly dared to breathe as her bedroom door slowly opened. Her father's face appeared near her own as he crawled halfway under the bed.

"Quick" he hissed, pulling her forward.

He took her jacket from its perch on the edge of her bed and helped her into it.

"Mommy?" she asked, her eyes straining in the dark to see.

Her father's voice was heavy as he said sadly, "Mommy's not coming."

She grabbed the rag doll from the bed as he hurried her towards the door and downstairs. More gunshots were heard several times and after each one, the girl flinched and held her doll a little closer.

Her father led her outside by the back door and they headed towards the back gate, which led to the alley. He unlocked the gate and pushed her through just as another gunshot sounded, closer this time.

Her father cried out just as the moon revealed her pale face through the dark storm clouds. She turned and saw dark liquid falling to earth in a strange perversion of rain. After what seemed an eternity, he father slowly fell to his knees, his warm brown eyes slowly clouding over.

She covered her mouth to bite back the scream that threatened to shatter the momentarily silent air. She saw the gunman hesitate then lower his weapon.

She wanted to run, to hide but she was frozen, transfixed by the sight of her father's fallen form. He descended down the porch steps, taking something out of his pocket as he came.

The moon withdrew and seemed to break the spell. She began to flee but he caught hold of her arm, shoving a cloth over her nose and mouth filling it with a sickly sweet smell. She felt dizzy and true darkness began to envelop her until--


Sesh woke with a start, covered in sweat and sitting upright in her bed. Her amber eyes scanned the familiar grey walls to reassure herself it had only been a dream. This wasn’t a new thing; she’d had the same reoccurring nightmare for about a week now.

The shooting was new as was all the stuff that had happened after it. All she’d seen prior to tonight had been the gunshot before she’d woken up. A shaking hand brushed a single strand of raven hair away from her eyes as she continued to mull over the dream.

Finally she sighed and lay back down, trying to get more sleep, but it was impossible. Every time she closed her eyes, she would see the girl’s father be shot in the back and his blood fall in slow motion to stain the earth. She gave up and opened her eyes once more and got out of bed.

She quickly changed into her uniform, the room being slightly on the cold side. Seshtah, more commonly known as Sesh was just pulling on her boots when there was a knock at the door. "Come in.” she said, forcing her foot into the black boot. One of her superiors stood before her.

Forgetting the stupid boot, Sesh quickly stood up to attention, snapping a salute. He chuckled, lazily returning it and said, "At ease, I just wanted to see if you were up yet." Sesh nodded and returned to her task.

One down, one to go. She'd been growing a lot lately and she was in need of new shoes. She hadn't said anything because the supply trucks hadn't come recently. He noticed her difficulty and raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything regarding her boots, “Report to the dining hall when you are completely dressed.”

He said before saluting then leaving her, closing the door behind him. That was weird. She thought shaking her head, still forcing her other foot into the boot.

Once she won her battle, she looked into the small mirror hanging above her desk and began to re-tame her hair, brushing it then pulling it into a long braid that reached her mid-back. Humming a wordless tune, she made her way to the Dining hall.

A few other cadets had emerged from their rooms, most of them avoiding eye contact and none of them talking to her. This was normal though; she had but one friend, Embyr. As if the mere thought of her summoned her, Embyr appeared at her side.

“Hey” she said, giving a lazy salute.

Sesh grinned and returned it. It was a private joke between them. Although they were pretty good at all the tests and drills their superiors placed before them, for some reason, neither of them had advanced very high so they made up their own ranks. Imagination wasn’t valued very highly at Crescent Academy, but then, anything that wasn’t military based wasn’t valued so they didn’t care too much.

Embyr was a little shorter than Sia with blazing red hair, slightly tanned skin and sapphire eyes that always held a mischievous light in them.

Actually, Embyr wasn’t her real name either. Technically it was Ambyr but due to a typo in the computer, it was changed to Embyr and the name had just stuck.

"Are you ok?" Embyr's comment startling her out of her brooding about the dream.

Damn, how did she always know?

"I had that nightmare thing again." Sesh said quietly, looking away. "But it's longer this time."

And she told Embyr about the new things that had been added. Embyr was silent with an expression reserved for plotting an evil prank or trying to work a way out of a situation.

Finally she said, "Any ideas why you're having it?"

Sesh shrugged, "I just want it to go away... but part of me wants to see where this is going."

Embyr nodded slowly and opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by a voice they both hated,

"Hey look, it's Reject and Spark."

Sesh closed her eyes and slowly counted to 10, Tristan would NOT get the satisfaction of her yelling at him. Embyr on the other hand scowled and muttered under her breath,

"One of these days I'm gonna prank him so well he won't know what happened."

"He's not worth it." Sia muttered back, watching Tristan and his friends walk by, laughing.

" 'Sides, he'd probably go cryin' to one of the higher up's, no, leave the bastard alone for now, we'll kick his ass later in riflery." Embyr brightened up at that.

"Yeah, he can't hit a target even if it was sitting three feet in front of him and wearing a sign that says 'Hit me'

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Re: What do you think?

Post by Seshtah on Mon Jan 14, 2008 8:17 am

Oh, and this one's done but I'm throwing it in here just to get a quick opinon. I'm planning on doing some changes to it though so suggestions are appreciated!

Their cries surround me day in, and day out, never ceasing to give me silence. At night I’m haunted by watching the deaths of people I don’t even know, each one more tragic then the last.

Please God make me stone! I don’t want to see anymore, I want to die…but I already know what waits for me beyond the gate and I have to wonder which fate is worse. Those like me never get any peace in Death as we are constantly called back to answer questions of the younger ones after us. I try not to call too often but there are several things I still don’t know.

Another imprint of a little girl from days gone past floats to the front of my mind, her life cut short by sickness. She holds out her arms to me, begging me to take her back to her family. Back to Life…. but I can’t. I can only send her across the River where she may have the chance to have another, happier life…

The dead aren’t the only ones I have to deal with, the living are just as bad. I hear their words too. “Devil Worshiper” “Demon” “Forsaken of God” …“Necromancer”

The last one I hear quite frequently, even by the others who go to this school, those that know the hurt cruel words can bring and yet they do it to me. They blame me for the curse someone, maybe God or Satin or perhaps one of the great Fae themselves, put upon me at a young age, as if I would want this power.

To see the dead, speak with them, hear them in my head when they have no right to be there. I could walk among them if I chose, be the only living mortal among thousands in the realm of Death across the River…

I know why most before me have chosen to succumb to the Dark who calls to me even now, tempting me to seek revenge.

But I won’t… I refuse to become what they call me. I won’t fight back by becoming the thing they accuse me of being.

Another spirit floats by me and I want to close my eyes and turn away but I know I’m the only one who can catch the spirits missed by the different gods of death. I’m the only one who can spare them from wandering the earth until the end of time. And so I grit my teeth and send the spirit of a middle aged man across the River.

Night after night it’s the same. Watch how they died and send them across the River where they can rest until they are placed back in Life and begin again. I’m grateful I don’t get all the murdered ones, those of old age or sickness come as well otherwise I imagine I’d go insane.

No… I take that back. I already am insane, I’m simply careful not to show it to anyone. You doubt me? Try it one night. Become the spirit in their last moments and see how long you retain your sanity. I dare you. No? I didn’t think so.

The cruelty of humans astounds me even this night as I “become” a girl no more than 14 and lose myself then have my throat cut open and left in the alleyway where I-- where she died. Her spirit appears before me, completely broken and mangled.

I try to smile but my mouth seems to have forgotten how to move like that and in the end, I kiss her on the forehead and I tell her that the next time she comes back to Life, her life won’t be as short, nor as cruel.

There are tears in her eyes as she fades away but weather they are because of my promise or because of all the crap that happened to her, I don’t know. Others come and go. Tonight there was another murder, two suicides and one of cancer. I comfort or at least try to comfort all of them before they go. Only then am I allowed to fall into a dreamless sleep… And tomorrow? I get to repeat the entire cycle. Over and over again…

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Re: What do you think?

Post by Seshtah on Thu Jan 24, 2008 6:20 am

Bleh...anyone?

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Re: What do you think?

Post by Seshtah on Mon Feb 04, 2008 2:55 am

Neee, where did everyone go? =(

The clan's dying again!!

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Re: What do you think?

Post by Soulburner on Tue Feb 05, 2008 12:47 pm

I think everyone went to the test server... Sad
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Re: What do you think?

Post by Seshtah on Wed Feb 06, 2008 10:18 am

Aww man! That sucks -_-

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Re: What do you think?

Post by Soulburner on Fri Feb 08, 2008 10:57 am

You're right, but I think that the'll come back... someday
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Re: What do you think?

Post by Alucard-evil on Fri Feb 08, 2008 5:52 pm

Well hello everyone. Here's the feed back from my mind. Well, first one is TOTALLY boring...sorry Sesh, but I'm the worst feedbacker. Too much talking, too much everyday life and no magic(as you know I can't live without it Very Happy). Well yeah, it's more serious and just RL tale, so there can't be any magic or what so ever. Forgive me Sesh, but reading first tale almost made me asleep. And one more thing. A schoolgirl with a car? Or I don't get something?
Second tale almost the same, but it has more action and a bit less talking. But I still can't get what are those tales about. Well this is because of my fogged mind, so don't take it as serious problem.
Sorry I couldn't even start reading 3rd, 'cause first 2 almost made me asleep. You got to fix your writings by making them more interesting to read. You know if you'd wrote a book of something like you wrote here...readers would use it as sleeping pills...here's my opinion. But you got great potential in writting. I hope I'm not irritating you too much, but hey! I'm EVIL, aren't I? }:]
-Alucard

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Re: What do you think?

Post by Seshtah on Sat Feb 09, 2008 7:21 am

Yeah, I don't really get what I was doing with the first one either, I trashed it like a few days after posting it XP

The second one I had an idea for it but I don't remember anymore T.T I really need to write plot ideas down >.< This problem happens a lot.

The last one I actually spent time on but now I don't think the endings worth much and I'm trying to figure out how to fix it. lol So I'll keep it but there will be changes made XP

And I'd rather a truthful if harsh review than a fake-ass nice one Kitty, no hurt feelings!! Very Happy

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Re: What do you think?

Post by Alucard-evil on Sat Feb 09, 2008 2:36 pm

Yay! I'm glad that I was helpful Very Happy meow *starts licking some places you should've not seen* LMAO

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Re: What do you think?

Post by Seshtah on Sun Feb 10, 2008 4:07 am

Wow kitty XP lol

I have a hose if washing that way takes to long X3

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Re: What do you think?

Post by Alucard-evil on Sun Feb 10, 2008 10:28 am

LMAO xD You know, I may make them shine xD *rolls on the floor and dies laughing*

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Re: What do you think?

Post by Seshtah on Mon Feb 11, 2008 9:18 am

lolz

Ahh my eyes!! Its so bright! DX lmao

Hey, have you noticed I updated the story with Riven yet? XD

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